I needed to feel like even for a moment, even if it involved shameful failure, I had power. I needed to feel like I had a choice. But really, everything is predetermined by time. What happened was unavoidable; it was the result of all the variables lining up at their destined points. Whatever happens is the only possible route as dictated by time and the variables. There is no point considering the past or alternate futures since there can be only one present. Every decision I make has already. Of course, as soon as it knew I was awake, it started displaying calls that had come in overnight. For some reason, a lot of them were ads for whips, masks, butt plugs, and dildos. Go figure.Marjorie agreed groggily to see the doctor but insisted on getting dressed. Most of her clothes were already too big but I found a ratty old dress that at least stayed up. To keep the clothes clean along the way, I made her wear an old rain poncho. It was good that I did, too. She puked twice just walking. And then it was flowing, the muscles in my groin and in my arms and legs dancing to a primal beat.Our bodies jerked against each other for a long time, gradually becoming slower and gentler. Aftershocks were displaced by afterglow.Opening my eyes, I saw Kristin, looking dazed. I moved to roll off her, but her arms and legs held me tight. For now, she wanted a heavy, lumpy, sweaty quilt on top of her.I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I awoke some hours later, it was dark. I was alone. I. It’s not exactly glamorous,” I replied.“Better than looking at a bunch of losers in Jack’s Joint,” Sally said.“Hardee’s takeout is better than that,” I agreed. “So what do you want to say.”“Don’t get excited, but I’ve been helping a neighbor with her new baby this week,” she said.“Stop right there Sally, you are not going to have my baby. That isn’t even possible, is it?” I said with a laugh.“No and why the hell would I want to bring another alcoholic into the world. I just want you to look the.
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